When you're up to your...

I was an A1C in the Air Force the first time I saw that quote, "When you're up to your a** in alligators, it is difficult to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp."  I have felt that kind of desperation and panic a few times in my life.
I think the Rindge Charrette is exactly that kind of situation.
People have invited me and others who participated in and supported the Charrette to move out of town.  Now, there is all this hysteria about Agenda 21 and property rights surrounding those sessions intended to get community input.  We have been accused of wanting to turn Rindge into an urban area; reminiscent of towns in Massachusetts.  
Long before I moved to Rindge, there was a thriving town center.  It had a general store and I've been told, people congregated there to discuss the politics of the day.  Then they moved the old Route 202 to it's present location and the center became something of a ghost town.  Rindge lost it's "center."
The purpose of the Charrette was to try to find a new center for Rindge, and also create more integration with the college community.
I know there are people in West Rindge Village who liked the idea of revitalizing the village and making it the new town center, but they have been bullied into silence on the subject.  I am sorry for them.  I really am.  I don't live there, but if the people in West Rindge Village embraced the idea, I would have tried to help make it happen.
Fortunately, as I recall the Charrette, it also talked about revitalizing the old town center too.  So, maybe it is time to just abandon any ideas for West Rindge Village and focus on what can be done in the center to bring it back from obscurity?
Or do people really buy the argument that we are NOT a real community; just a place to sleep at night? 

‘Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss future.’

— John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Talkin' John Birch Society Paranoid Blues

I thank Bob Dylan for his inspirational song of the same title.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AylFqdxRMwE
Today, the "dirty" word for the JBS is "sustainable."  You laugh?
I like that there are people in the world who spend part of every day, looking forward and thinking about tomorrow.  It makes me happy to know that most of the people around me, while they may be occupied with building careers, making money, taking vacations, and buying cool stuff, also take time out to donate time and money to local organizations and town government.  They somehow feel a sense of responsibility and love for their children and their friend's children and so take an interest in building a better community.
It does not seem to matter which political party they claim membership in or if they claim none at all.  Some people are just constructive and positive.  As I've grown more interested in town governance and national and international issues, I've learned to control my assumptions about my neighbors politics.  Before I moved to Rindge and got involved in local issues, whenever I met someone I truly liked and admired, I automatically assumed that we belonged to the same political party.  It kind of "rocked my world" to be working side by side with people who shared my love of community, but belonged to a party I thought wouldn't be interested in community service.  In fact, to my shock, most of the volunteers belonged to the "other" party.  Of course, the proportions also reflect the demographics of our community, I think.  It gives me hope for our very divided country that, at least, at a local level, we are able to work together in the best interests of the community.
Rindge is a very conservative town.  It is no surprise to me that when the energy commission made a pitch for more weatherization work on town buildings, the town government was very supportive and the voters awarded us funds to invest in more projects.  It was not an emotional appeal, it was a proposal based on the operating budget savings that we realized from ARRA funded projects.  Thanks to the federal grant funding we received, we were able to make improvements and get audits done.  The savings have been quite significant.  Regardless of party, people in Rindge see the wisdom of reducing costs.  Who would vote to WASTE money through excess energy consumption?
I want to tell you, I have felt no small pride that Rindge made that investment.  We are the envy of other towns with energy committees.  With grant funds for municipalities drying up, many energy committees have stalled in their efforts to improve energy efficiency in town buildings.
I wish I could get more grant money for other projects.  I understand that RGGI funds will become available soon for municipal projects.  I'd like to apply for some of that funding to move us along a more sustainable path.  What do I mean by sustainable?  I mean that it takes less resources and that we may even provide some of the power for our buildings, so that it becomes less costly to "sustain" them.
We are so lucky in Rindge.  Our DPW Director is very smart and very dedicated.  He is open minded and is a huge help in finding ways to stretch our dollars and make the energy improvements serve the dual purpose of making needed upgrades to town infrastructure.
I know that if you want to succeed, you need to be organized and have a plan.
I am passionate about energy conservation and the development of renewable resources.  I am basically a geek and made a career of designing portable computers.  The secret to our success was to constantly push down the power requirements, while boosting performance.  Now, in my retirement, I am interested in a macro view of power consumption and how it affects our economy, environment, and future.  NO ONE is going to tell me that this joy I get out of crunching numbers and plotting to reduce BTUs and Killowatts in a building is evil or a threat to society.   I see my favorite obsession as a joy for me and a gift to my community.
As was probably quite evident in the JBS sponsored meeting on October 1 at the Recreation Building in Rindge, my social skills are not that great and I am NO politician.  I am a nerd and a geek, but I also care deeply about our community.
I probably came across as wanting to suppress the free speech or exchange of ideas.  Why was I so upset about people asking questions after all?
I am upset because that meeting was part of an organized and planned campaign to turn the word, "sustainability" into a dirty word like "commie."   The JBS calls it the "Agenda 21 Conspiracy."  They are trying to block plans to make our communities more sustainable and environmentally friendly by scaring people with the threat that "visioning" is just a prelude to allowing the federal government to restrict your intake of beef, use of gasoline to drive, and use of your land.
I have news for you.  Those things will probably happen and will happen faster if we don't get "smart" with our planning.  It won't be the federal government who will cause it.  It will be market forces that cause these things if we don't take action.  The more demand on gas and oil, the higher the prices will go, and the more everything costs.
I find it ever so interesting that the JBS has taken the tact of scaring people into believing that accepting HUD grants for community planning and housing/infrastructure projects is like opening the door to a vampire.  If you invite HUD in, it will take your property by eminent domain and begin telling you what foods you can eat and how far you can drive.  It is the end of freedom as we know it.
Why is it interesting?  Because the JBS supports and promotes the Keystone XL Pipeline project which is one of the biggest taking of land by eminent domain for corporate profit ever.  How come freedom and liberty are so precious in one circumstance and completely irrelevant in another that benefits oil interests? 
Everyone in town is enjoying the new diner at the intersection 119 and 202.  I can't help but think that Tim Halliday was inspired by what he saw in those "visioning" documents at the Charrette.  That is what they are for...to inspire and attract.  How is that bad?
And could someone please explain to me what would be accomplished by returning any of the HUD grant money?  Payson Village is a HUD funded project.  We already have a relationship with HUD.  Aside from helping to "build the brand" of certain NH House Representatives, what will really be accomplished?
Maybe I just don't scare easy?  I am NOT afraid that the government or anyone else is going to take my property by eminent domain.  I am not in the way of any natural resources (at least so far...there's going to be a proposal to build an LNG pipeline from Everett, MA to NH, I understand.  I wonder which side the JBS will come down on for that?) and I am not part of a blighted neighborhood.
I am also not afraid of the JBS or any names they care to call me.
I'm thinking most of my neighbors in Rindge don't scare easy either.  I think they are too smart to be sucked into returning money.  After all, what is the biggest penalty HUD could impose if you violated their rules?  You guessed it: You would have to return the money.  It really is like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
So, I hope this explains why I am taking these shenanigans by the JBS so personally.  It offends me.  Sustainability is a good thing.  Smart is a good thing.  Think of the opposites; Unsustainable and Stupid.  Really?  I just don't see Rindge going that way.

Loss

I am learning about loss.  The hard way. 
I think that this is the main lesson of life before me.  Just when you think that you have reached an equilibrium point in life, you lose a friend or a pet or a tooth!  And, suddenly, life is not all about you.  That beloved person will not be there ever again and all you really have are your memories of them.  Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, these losses are a shock to our systems.  They are unwanted reminders that life is fleeting and that in loving we have sown the seeds of loss.
There is no protection from loss.  There is no protection from death.  Whether it comes fast or very slowly, after we have lived a long, long time, it comes for us. 
The more losses I experience, the more I wish to simplify my life so that I get the biggest bang for the buck out of my time.  
This essay is a work in progress.. 

December Butterflies

I love going for walks. It's wonderful if I have company, but walks by myself are special in their own way
I took a walk on Tuesday. There's a loop that goes up Hampshire Country Road, onto Koski Road, then Bancroft Road down to North Main and onto East Main back to Hampshire Country Road to home. It's about a three mile loop and very scenic.
I know this will sound strange or out of character for me, but I pray while I walk. I say a string of novenas. For those of you who didn't go to parochial schools, that is 3 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Marys, and an Act of Contrition. Each novena has an intention behind it. I say one just for thanks to God for the day, one for Danny, one for Liese, one for my sister, Marie, and one for Danny's son, Erik. When I take a long walk, I add prayers for other friends and family, the whole country, the President, and any other little worries I might have.
Since I started taking TerryAnn's Yoga/Tai Chi fusion class, I've added some conscious breathing and Chi gathering to my routine. As I walk (if there are no cars going by or anyone to see me), I open my arms to the side and breathe in while I gather Chi in a scooping motion up over my head. As I bring my arms down in front of me, I breath out and absorb the Chi into my don tien (something like a chakra in yoga).
I was doing this breathing and praying as I started walking up Koski Road. Suddenly, I had an insight into the nature of God. Okay. I won't claim divine inspiration. I have no religious affiliation. I just feel that I am not alone...that none of us are really alone in this life. I am convinced that human loving kindness matters.
So, all of a sudden, I had this very clear image of a huge, glowing network of beings connected by our thoughts, prayers, and love for one another. I thought to myself that this is the true nature of God...God isn't one of us...God is all of us. I suppose this is a kind of heresy, but it felt so true and right, that I experienced a sense of spiritual elation.
At that moment, ahead of me in the road, a random breeze caught what appeared to be some falling leaves. As I watched, the leaves just kept fluttering and dancing in the breeze. When some of them flew upward, I looked again and, for just a moment, I could swear they were Monarch Butterflies. "Sure," I thought, "look at the colors. Those are Monarch Butterflies dancing for me!" I felt such delight! But then, I thought, "Oh no! Is this climate change? Are the butterflies confused by the warm weather?" Two or three dropped to the ground and the rest flew off into the bushes by the side of the road. As I approached the ones in the road, I could see that they really were leaves after all.
By way of full disclosure, I am very nearsighted, so it would not be unreasonable for me to mistake a falling leaf for a butterfly from a distance. Still the moment of delight and the sure feeling that I was in communication with God and the "Universe of us" persists. Some of the best moments in life are not "real" in the sense of being weighed and measured.
The rest of my walk, I sent my prayers, intentions and loving thoughts out over that amazing, glittering network, to beings of every faith or none at all. I promised myself that I would try to describe my experience on paper so that I can look back on it when I have those moments of feeling lost and alone. Somehow though, I don't think I will ever forget that moment of "December Butterflies."

The Bath

What a luxury! I filled a tub with the warmest water I could manage and soaked for half an hour today. It's been three years since I indulged in a bath. Of course, baths are not very environmentally friendly, but my right knee and left hip were aching. It helped a little.
My cold is almost all gone, but I still have a few sniffles and coughs going on. I feel fine otherwise.
Sadly, my daughter got sick with a cold during her visit with me last week. I feel very badly about it, but I didn't think it was worth canceling the visit. Now I'm not so sure...?
I did get most of my housework done. There's still plenty to do, but I'm enjoying the process of making the house a little more presentable day by day. The biggest thing was emptying closets and book cases. It was insane that I still had textbooks from the 1970s!! And...clothes from the same era. LOL! I'm down to one summer and one winter suit, two dresses and some dress pants. I feel lighter by measures!
Of course, now I'm thinking about substitute teaching to pick up some extra cash and also for the fun of teaching math and science. I need some "work" clothes, but what I have should suffice. I don't know that I will get any assignments, but it's fun to think about.
I'd like to make a little "extra" money so that I can buy a pellet stove and install solar panels for PV. I should have enough for the pellet stove with my income tax return, but if I can make money ahead of time...all the better! I haven't filled out the application yet, but I've downloaded the application and am thinking about it.
Well, this is all very prosaic. I'm sorry I don't have anything more inspired to say tonight. Life is good.
Tomorrow is an activist day for me. I'm going to stand a peace vigil with Veterans for Peace at 11 tomorrow. Then there's an Occupy Keene meeting in Railroad Square at 12:15. Finally at 6 PM, I'm going to a spaghetti dinner at Keene High School to benefit the Democratic Party. The big attraction is that Senator Bernie Sanders is the featured speaker.
*Happy Sigh!* Life is grand!

Sick...

My first week of retirement ended with my getting a cold. I feel awful. I don't feel like doing anything except curling up into a ball and sleeping the misery away. And yet, I have SO much I need to do! I keep reminding myself that I am retired and it's okay to baby myself for a day or two if I need it, but my conscience nags at me about getting the house cleaned for Liese's visit on the 6th. We still have a lot to do to get ready! Also, I have a ton of work to do on the energy grants. Ah, me!
At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow. That is a huge relief. I've been drinking lots of water, taking vitamin C, and trying to rest and relax. Here's hoping tomorrow is better!

FREEDOM!

I just deposited my 401K check today. It was a fairly small sum...might get me through a year without income, but just barely. As soon as I got home from the bank, I logged onto my last outstanding credit card account and scheduled a final balance payment for Monday. It took more than half my 401K, but it feels SO damn good!
It's not just that it pained me to pay $100 or more per month in interest charges to the banks I helped bail out. Not giving them that money will feel great! And it isn't all about getting out of the stock market by cashing in the 401K before things go bad again. If you don't sell in a blind panic, there is usually a decent recovery.
No. What makes me the happiest is that I feel like I'm a pioneer in a new economy that is just taking shape.
I switched my banking to a community bank last year. There's only one branch, so it's not exactly convenient, but I know this bank supports local businesses. I charge things on my debit card with them. Which means that I don't go into debt.
Last week, I spent a fair amount of money buying thermal window curtains and a comforter set. I had to search online for days to find products that were made in the USA and affordable. I feel like I'm supporting the US economy, reducing energy consumption with my new curtains, and doing something concrete to help America rebuild. I'll try to get cushions and pillows made locally if possible.
We also just had an energy audit and almost $3,000 worth of tightening up/insulation work done on the house this past month. Most of it was paid for through a grant with PSNH. Our cost was about $1200. The money I save on oil will go right into new projects like solar hot water and a pellet stove. I plan to track and blog on it throughout this winter. I took lots of pictures of the work during the final inspection. Energy savings measures are better than money in the bank...they are practically organic because the more oil prices increase, the bigger your return on investment.
I am a happy woman tonight.